protecting crunches and protecting from crunches

I ate cereal for breakfast yesterday at about 12:00 or so. It was a really good cereal, Muffintops that I got from Wal-mart in Marietta for 50 cents. AMAZING DEAL!




Well, yesterday they got soggy fast. Man, that's frustrating.

But it turns out someone else was frustrated in the same way I was. Take a look at something that received its U.S. patent in 1991:

It's called a "Crunch Protector." You keep the dry cereal separated from the milk until you are ready to eat it. You fill the base (21) with sand to counter the weight correctly so it doesn't tip. I'm not kidding, this is really patented.

It really doesn't look that convenient to me. I wondered how much such a contraption would cost someone. I looked it up online several places. Did not find the crunch protector (seems like something I could find at Ollie's though). But I did find this on Google:

This dome has arched crossbars sturdy enough to support an adult's weight. It's called the "Baby Cage." This lets baby sleep in bed with mommy and daddy without the risk of being crushed. This just seems like a terrible idea to me. I looked up to see if this was purchasable either.

This is the closest thing I found:

What a wonderful thing the internet is.

Tony Shalhoub as Bennett

Ever have a moment in life, where you stop and say, "Now this would be a good scene in a movie?"

I noticed those moments usually happen during times when:

a) the television is not on.
b) i am at wal-mart.

i think Wal-Mart would be an excellent place for a movie scene, at least if it were a movie about me. If it were about me, the turning point of the film would be there. I would have some great revelation that would provide the solution to a great problem I was in the middle of while looking at different kinds of masking tape. Then a song by Penguin Cafe Orchestra would play as I heroically run out of the store through the parking lot and off somewhere to save the day. I would be wearing a brown shirt, with my brown converse sneakers and blue jeans. My part would be played by Tony Shalhoub.

But anyway, enough with that hypothetical situation. The moral I learn from the previous revelation about television is this:

If most of a person's spare time is spent watching TV, then his or her life will probably not be inspirational enough for anyone to want to make a movie about it. And everyone lives expecting to have a movie made about their life.

Because that is our generation's idea of immortality.